08 Dec Not a Sin
It has been 11 months and 25 days since I last saw you…
It’s the first time I have been this far away from you.
Are you feeling the same way I am feeling right now?
The butterflies and the erratic beating of the heart?
I wonder as I restlessly wait outside the airport.
In all my nervousness, I haven’t eaten anything since last night. I am a little hungry but I don’t think I can eat before I see you. You were supposed to be here an hour ago! Why is your flight delayed?!
I am still pacing the ground. Just randomly, I see a couple hugging each other and not letting each other go. I smile inwardly and the smile reaches my eyes and I just warm up from within. It seems just like yesterday when I saw you and all the memories of us together flood over me. I miss you. I really miss you..
I reach out for your gift that is safely stashed in my jacket. I open the letter and just read it before I give it to you..(I know I am a Grammar Nazi..deal with it love!).
I am feeling a little giddy while reading it..
So, here goes..
It was 5 years ago that I first saw you in the college parking. We have always been the best of friends since the first week we have known each other. We just knew we were going to stick together. The unsaid promise between us. I remember our college canteen..
All the classes bunked, all the food split…
All the drives without any set destination..
We have been closer than anybody else could ever be..
Do you remember how we went shopping in every store there was and ended up with the best clothes there could be..
Sometimes, I wonder who would have been my constant had it not been you?
Who would have listened to my ranting and crying and cribbing and the little joys?
Everybody in my house loved you the instant they met you. You are that adorable..I hope you know that..
There is not a single day I don’t thank you enough for that one day in particular..
I was very busy with my college placements. You know how it is like, having gone through it before I did. Be it advice or just plain gossip. There is nothing I have ever hidden from you.
I was a nervous wreck because of the placements. I was happy too, you know. You were coming to visit me! That too for the first time! Long Distance is really difficult..
I was giving my interview the very minute you landed in Mumbai. I was over 5 hours late to meet you but you understood. Just for that, I love you..
I was just plain excited to see you but I was a little lost. The interview results would be out the next day and I was just a little withdrawn. I know you noticed that but you still made me smile. For that, I love you..
I slept hugging you and all my worries melted away. It was the most peaceful I had been in a while.
I woke up the next day, only to hear that I have been placed!
I consider you my lucky charm, I hope you know that.
The next 3 days were a whirlwind of love, adventure and us. Just us.
There are so many things I would just write and go on and on..
We have been through our ups and downs like every relationship.
We have never put a label on what or who we are. For us, our love is absolutely unadulterated and unabashed. I want this letter to be a reminder of how much I love you.
Read this when you miss me and forget yourself in our world. No matter who comes and goes, I will be your constant.
Ever Thine. Ever Mine. Ever Ours.
I fold back the letter and stash it in my jacket again. I can barely contain myself and I smile ear to ear when I see my favorite face coming out in the crowd. I feel so blessed when I see your eyes searching for me and our eyes just meet. That smile takes my breath away and I run to hug you!
My baby is here!! I kiss her. Our lips meet briefly and I hug her back again. I really don’t want to let her go at all. She is all I have in my screwed up world. She is all I have.
We have happy tears rolling down our cheeks. I hug her again quickly and wipe away our tears. I am seeing my love after all this time and not a single minute will I waste. We link our arms and head out of the airport. Some lady stares at us, but we shrug it off.
I am not going to hell for loving her.
Our love is not a sin.
She is the gold at the end of my rainbow.
But, you see, We are Gay and we are still a taboo in this world.