Lyrical Screwup - This Free Soul
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— Lyrical Screwup

So, at this point maybe the Boyfriend has resigned to his borderline OCD, control freak, obsessive and clingy girlfriend. Yep! All me! But on the bright side, I am cute no!! Makes up for everything else?? Right!

If you haven’t yet witnessed the previous stories, “half-truths” or “my-side-of-the-story” as the Boyfriend puts it, (*Pffft..What a baby?!) You can read them from the links below.

The Girlfriend’s Journal

Bae and Bae-ryani

***

Lyrical Screwup

One day, we are both sprawled across the bed, just having random conversations about life, love and how I need new clothes yet how poor I am.

So, out of the blue, feeling too mushy, I ask him in the sweetest way possible, “Babe, what if you leave me and go? What if I go all crazy and broken hearted girl?”

His gaze transfixed on the ceiling, he replied in his dead serious voice, “Then you will GO crazy. What can be done be about it?”

All my love and mush goes out of the window. I want to strangle him and kick him out of the bed. There are too many problems with his reply.

One, Are you really that thick in your head?

Two, What happened to being cute?

Three, You think I’ll loose my shit over you? *I probably will but hey! You were not supposed to reply like that!

Four, What the fuck are you staring at the fan for? I just cleaned it two days ago? Is it dirty? If it is, we have a new problem altogether! I need to clean it first.

Shaking my head vehemently, I come back to the immediate problem at hand. Focus!

“What did you just say?”

He turns his head to look at me and just smiles. His ever-boyish grin which I fall for every time. NOT today Mister! Na-uhh. You have got to be cute to me!
“I just meant that you love me so much that you might just go crazy. I never said I wouldn’t go crazy about you sweetie. You always misunderstand me..”

Not wanting to let him off that easy, I deliberately sulk.

He laughs at my poker face and asks me, “Are you TRYING to be mad at me? and this is because I did not say something mushy?”

When I still stare at him with my sulk face, he laughs even harder and pulls me closer and my forehead is subjected to noisy kisses. Uggh I hate him when he does this..I know I am fighting a lost battle. I have already given up sulking but this time, I just hide my face and pretend to sulk even harder.

This time he get the big guns out.

He starts to sing.

Maybe this is a good time to mention that the Boyfriend is a horrible singer, cannot sing for shit and is bad with the lyrics for EVERY song. (He has the talent to garble the lyrics of his favorite songs as well).

As he croons a very old Bollywood number from the ’90’s, I peek up at him. He is through the first few lines of the song..and then after a very high note, he forgets what the next line is. So he goes back to googling the lyrics and then forgets about me altogether, because Mister is back with his One-True-Love, his phone!

***

Do you know what all people are good at?
Just take a wild guess.

If you haven’t guessed it already, let me answer this for you.

“Giving Advice.”

Yes, All people are good at giving advice. (Good advice or Bad advice. Debatable.)

This holds true for me and “mon homme”. (It’s french, for “my man”. Yeah! I took 2 French classes. How hoity toity am I? *flips hair
My man is the best at giving advice and worse at taking advice.
On the upside, so are all the men. I guess I cannot really blame him.

This is exactly how a simple conversation about the route back from work goes like:

“Babe, don’t take that route, there is lots of traffic here. Take the next left and we can be home sooner!”

“Can you please just leave all this to me? I know where I am going and don’t worry.. We will be home in time.”

We were NOT home in time.

I don’t understand. I am not ‘predicting’ traffic. I rely on Google more than I rely on my man. #truestory.

This other time, I was in Delhi, just before Christmas. Since, he was over the “much-needed-break”, we decided to go for a movie, once I was back. Much against my wishes, he honey-talked me into watching a movie which I was not interested in.  I caved and I “advised” him that I would book tickets in this new place that had opened recently.

“Why do you worry? Trust me. I’ll book the tickets. All you have to do is show up downstairs when I come to pick you. On Time!”

I took offense. (It comes as naturally as breathing.) But chose to keep shut. No point getting into any argument as he would not even notice that I am mad at him.

So, I am back to the city wayyyyyy post midnight and I try to catch up on my sleep as I reach home in the wee hours. How am I the last one at baggage claim? I am yet to solve the mystery!

As fate would have it, I was so exhausted, I could not sleep. By the time, I finally managed to sleep, the doorbell rang and I had to keep the trash out? How can I forget my romantic morning rendezvous? Anyway, once I am up, I am UP! I was cleaning my entire apartment and I was ready by 2.00 pm. The man in question was supposed to arrive at 02.15 pm. On Time.
He was late. On his way, he calls to ‘inform’ me that he had accidentally booked the tickets to the wrong place. This ‘new place’ is pretty shady and I hated it but I was seeing him after a long time so I decided to not say anything.

He arrives at 02.45 pm. The movie starts at 03.00 pm. His choice of movie. His choice of place. He is late. It takes about 25 minutes to reach the cinemas. I give him my silent treatment and he tries to make light of the situation by casually mentioning that we would just miss the movie previews. Well they are the best part. It gives me an idea which movies to ignore! My temper under check, we finally reach.

I had barely spoken to him since I was mad at him.

He goes to the counter to collect tickets, comes back with a goofy grin.

I know that grin, I narrow my eyes at him, “How have you screwed this up?”, I ask sarcastically.

I was sure, we were denied entry since we are late.

Turns out, we WERE denied entry, but not because we were just late.
We were late, not by 30 minutes. We were late by 24 hours!

He had booked tickets for a show that was showcased the previous day.

Oh boy! I was seething with anger and before I exploded at the same spot, I walk away searching for the nearest place with ice-cream! Ohh food! What would I do without You?!!

Too many problems in one go.

I was forced to watch a movie that I did not want to in the first place.

I was sleep deprived.

I was starving.

I hated the place.

And the cherry on the cake? I did not even get to watch it.

It was Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas!! (I guess?)

***

Julian Moon,

There’s a little bit of loser in us
Just two weirdos who fell in love
I guess we’re made from the same weird stuff
Being a loser with you doesn’t suck..

#thegirlfriendsjournal

#lyricalscrewup

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