Like all good things, this too must come to an end.
All those of you who have patiently read my journal..Thank you..
For putting up with me and the Boyfriend.
All previous pages are available in the links below.. 🙂
The Girlfriend’s Journal
Bae and Bae-ryani
The Classic Hiccup
This is the last page of my journal..
The Last Page..
I am standing on the balcony
James Bay is crooning Let it go in my ears.
“..From walking home and talking loads,
To seeing shows in evening clothes with you,
From nervous touch and getting drunk,
To staying up and waking up with you,
But now we’re sleeping at the edge,
Holding something we don’t need,
All this delusion in our heads,
Is gonna bring us to our knees,
So come on let it go,
Just let it be,
Why don’t you be you,
And I’ll be me,
Everything’s that’s broke..
Leave it to the breeze,
Why don’t you be you,
And I’ll be me..”
I have heard this on repeat. My ears begin to hurt. I am home alone and I don’t have to wait up for the Boyfriend. He is not going to come home to me for another Christmas or so.
I decide to throw a pity party for myself. I light up my favorite candles, switch on the fairy lights on the balcony. (I have really not taken down my Diwali lights till now), spread out my carpet and take my blanket outside. I just lay on the floor, looking at the stars and soft music playing in the background. It is such a contrast to the faraway Martin Garrix beats pulsating in the air. I snuggle myself against the pillow. Two more days to the end of the year 2017.
Around the same time last year, when we had just started going out, the Boyfriend asked me how I would like my ideal 2017. I had a pretty straight reply.
“I want two things. I don’t want to sleep alone. And.. I don’t want to be without you.”
Guilty as charged. I am a woman in love. I will not apologize for this.
I smile at this memory. “You left me all by myself here. I so hate you right now..”
I miss him terribly. It has been one hour since he left. I am feeling the void suddenly. My house is eerily quiet. There is nothing to do. There is no mess. There is no Him.
No I don’t mean he is loud and messy. It’s just his presence which is warm and fuzzy. I am still gazing at the stars, the cold breeze gently caressing my face. I am so gonna have a red nose tomorrow. So, the first week of 2018 should be fun. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. Actually I did have a lot to do earlier but it kind of went downhill when the Boyfriend left for London. For his birthday, I got a star named after him and I wanted to surprise him by taking him to the Observatory and gazing at it like a love lorn couple.
This was to be followed by a weekend getaway to a plush resort on the hills.
Ohh Fuck! I had not yet cancelled the resort. I had to cancel that but it slipped from my brain. I fire up my laptop and begin to search and rummage through all the folders to uncover the receipts and booking details of the resort. God forbid he finds them and turns the getaway into a boys trip because to be honest, he doesn’t do “Romance”. He does “Bromance”. I am a Bro too. (Although, right now I am Bro-ke). I love the boys. I just don’t get the Boyfriend to myself much and again, guilty as charged, I wanted to steal him away from everyone else for two whole days.
I open my wallet and I gasp a little..
I had forgotten to give him the letter I had written for him..
Since you cannot have that anymore.. here its is.
We have been sharing everything since almost 2 years now.. That is 2 years of knowing you and one year of dating you..
From sharing our problems, movies, breakfasts, office space, friends, playlists, earphones, clothes, mutual hatred for a certain person, a toothbrush, food and most importantly, a year. A very eventful one at that.
Hey babe, will you remember me every time you wear your Potterhead girlfriend’s tee shirts that you have stolen? or for that matter, my shades. I have stopped searching for things. Somehow I know all things will end up with you. Hopefully I end up with you too..Someday, Maybe?
Do you remember the poem you wrote for me?
“..You are the alarm I will never snooze..”
I have read it and laughed like a crazy woman, not because it was funny. Only because you compared me to an alarm.. Seems apt. I am loud and kinda annoying but you need me everyday. I am your wake up call. I love being your wake up call.
Do you remember every argument you have given up with just one closing statement, “You are a very stubborn woman..”
Do you remember, when you go batshit bollywood crazy..
“Main tumhe bhool jau, yeh ho nahi sakta,
Aur tum mujhe bhool jao, yeh main hone nahi doonga..”
Do you remember something you read by my bedside, (which is now your side of the bed),
“..There is something beautiful about chaos,
Not everybody gets it and the ones who do fall in love with it..”
Will you really stay in love with your chaos? Will you never forget it?
Will you never forget us?
Even if you do, remember one thing, there is a very stubborn un-snoozed alarm going off in some part of the world.
Lots of Love,
I am laying in my bed. I turn over and feel the empty bed. I sigh and get up.
I go about my routine, put the trash out.
Make pancakes and coffee for breakfast. This time it’s breakfast for one.
It is the 30th of December. Happy One year Boo..
The door bell rings and my face is stuffed with yum pineapple butterscotch pancakes.
I gulp it down and curse the person ringing the bell. Ruined my ‘savor the pancakes’ moment. I rush to my room to put on some decent clothes. I wouldn’t open the door wearing boy boxers now, would I?
Just as I am about to get the door, I hear the sound of the key turning in the door. I freeze with fear and I am glued to my spot. The door swings open slowly and I see my favorite face in the world grinning at me.
“Happy One Year Bae..”
Trust me, if I could die of a happy heart attack, this would have done it.
He leans in and kisses me pulling me in his warm embrace and that long hug is the best thing ever. He looks at my face and then looks a little behind me..
“Oooh!! You made pancakes!!”, and just like that he struts past me and hogs on the pancakes.
I shake my head. I am at a loss of words.. Really? Pancakes? Over me??
It’s been a little over a month. The Boyfriend has left for good this time.
There was an indefinite delay due to bad weather conditions so he could not travel past Delhi. He travelled a week later. All is good in the world. He is super busy with work. He thinks he loves me more than I do. *Insert ROFL emoji. TWICE. THRICE..
As far as I am concerned..
I am just a girl, stuffing my face with Chinese takeaway and binge watching “New Girl“.